We've all seen loose women dress like these two flesh flowers below. Some of those chicks were probably your girlfriends. But girls have plenty of opportunities year round to dress slutty. Like at your sisters confirmation or your Jewish cousin Herche'ls bris. But Halloween is really most fun for creative people so I have attached some pics saluting people with the imaginations to come up with those costumes that blow your mind when you see them walking down the street each year. I feel bad foor anyone who happens to run into that awesome Rafiki (below) costume or Reptile-man (right) while under the influence of halucenogenic drugs. Yikes! The last picture in this post may look out of place, but look closely at the little girls' Tshirt. My buddy sent this one to me. He works in Indonesia and informed me that this little girls parents don't speak or read a lick of English. They just found a black shirt and put it on their daughter and Voila, Baby Rapist Bumblebee! Happy Halloween fockers!
"CARROLL, Iowa — Police had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off."
-Assoc. Press
Look at these redneck bastards. Odds are they were out driving pick up trucks and drinkin Natty Light when one of them decided this disguise would be sufficient to mask their identities from their victim and the authorities. I wonder what their putting in the corn in Iowa? The guy in the top picture looks like he was goin for the Paul Stanley(KISS) look. The most shocking thing about these two inbred fucks is that they didn't have the brain capacity to realize that it was one fucking week before Halloween. They could have drove to their local Walmart and picked up a mask or some facepaint for an affordable global-corporation price. This kind of stupidy is all too common in rural redneck America. Just look at our friend Kasey Kazee (bottom). This Ashland, Kentucky native tried to rob a liquor store using duct tape to disguise his face. The funny part of this story is that the store clerk managed to beat the shit out of this shiney mummy fuck before he could get away.
I think I found my new Halloween costume.Im gonna wax my whole body and go as a duct tape mummy. Awesome!
The following is a clip from Talk Show with Spike Feresten. This is a late night show I came across purely by chance. Honestly, I didn't even know it existed until I discovered it flipping through the fuzzy channels in a broke down motel in Oxford, OH. This show is on Fox, so you know its not afraid to push the envelope. I suggest everyone check it out. It is much more unconventional than your typical Letterman, Leno, Conan, or that douchebag Jimmy Fallon. I am setting my TiVo to record this shit on a daily basis. I promise you wont be dissappointed. Enjoy the clipstoners!
NBC's The Office has immortalized the wonderfully funny phrase "That's What She Said". And so without further ado, I give you every instance of this phrase from the show.
"A Philadelphia woman was arrested Tuesday after she allegedly posted an ad on Craigslist offering to perform sex acts in exchange for World Series tickets."
Apparently this lady reeeeeeaaaaalllly wanted a chance to watch the Phillies go for back to back world series titles this year against the Yankees. I have to say I respect this woman's determination and inventiveness. The internet is a wonderful place where you can get virtually anything you want for a price. Apparently that price was giving BJs, ZJs, and HJs for Susan Finkelstein, 43, of Philidelphia, PA. According to police, she advertised herself as a
"buxom, blond, die-hard Phillies fan who was desperately seeking World Series tickets and would have sex to get them."
Her post included such great marketing dialogue as...
""I'm the creative type! Maybe we can help each other"
Ha! She even had the nerve to describe herself as "gorgeous". Listen I could understand this behavior if the Cubs had made it to the world series and she was a diehard Cubs fan, but the Phillies were just there last year and won! And they have a solid team and a solid manager which suggests we havent seen the last of them either.
Apparently, Finkelstein was busted when a police officer responded to her post and she offered to perform various sex acts in exchange for the coveted tickets. I'm assuming that the police officer had the tickets and was ready to make the trade, until he saw what she looked like and decided those box seats were worth more than a raging case of herpes and a new girlfriend.
Steve Phillips, long time ESPN Baseball Tonight analyst and former NY Mets GM, as you may have heard, has recentlly admitted to having an affair with his 22 year old production assistant, Brooke Hundley. Now just take a look at the picture at left. C'mon Stevie! you just blew a solid job at the worlds most respected sports news network for this Rosie O'Donnell/Chupacabra hybrid. ESPN announced Sunday that they would not be asking the silver fox back to the network. If you think that the fact that good old Stevie would go for a beast like this is the best part of the story, keep reading. According to NYDailynews.com,
"After the July affair ended, it was reported, Hundley repeatedly called Phillips' wife, Marni, and also left her a tawdry letter describing intimate locations of Phillips' birthmarks.
She also allegedly stalked his teenage son on Facebook, asking him about his parents' love life."
What a f-ing nutcase! Someone should tell Darth Vader and the Stormtrooper to make their wive's cell numbers unlisted. Next thing you know Brooke will be stalking Luke Skywalker (because he's Vader's son) on facebook. Now don't get me wrong, If there's one positive thing to come out of this, its that we now know that facebook is an acceptable arena for exposing dirty old men with fat chick fetishes. Tell your Dads to make their facebook pages private!
This is Pretty Lights. This is a group consisting of a crazy talented mixer and DJ, Derek Vincent Smith and Drummer, Cory Eberhard. I just saw them live at the Park West in Chicago this past weekend. In addition to this hypnotic and truly unique sound, they put on an intense light/video/vizualization show that is a perfect compliment to the ground-shaking bass and smooth transitions. I actually know Cory from my days in Fort Collins, CO where he regulary Dj'ed for bar bingo night at the now retired Sullivan's Tavern. Sully's as we all called it was one of the best bars in town. It wasn't a flashy overpriced douchebag ridden bar that have become commonplace in college towns nationwide, but a homey and comfortable bar that I dubbed "My Cheers". Everybody who worked there really did know my name. When I went to see this show I couldn't help but remember all the ridiculous memories I made there with countless friends. So this is an ode to Sully's and to Pretty Lights. If you enjoy the movablility of hip hop and the creativity of electronica, then this shit is perfect for you. It is for me!
The Shmoo Cartoon: Watch this!Have you ever heard of the Shmoo? I hadn't either until one fateful night. It was fall 2008 and I had been living in Colorado working as a bar-tender and spending, as you can imagine, an unruly amount of my time drinking and staying up very, very late. The word was one I had heard before, in many different contexts. Like "shmoo your face" or as a response to a question like... -"Hey, are you going out tonight?" -"Shmoo!"
To anyone else, I assume this seems retarded and extremely unfunny, but if you lived your life using this word uncannily and inventing variations of it like a number: Shmooillion. Or the noun version of shmoo: Shmoner. you would think twice when you finally discovered, like my friend and I did, that not only is Shmoo a word, but an actual character created by comic strip author Al Capp in 1948. The following is the Wikipedia entry describing this lovable character and the strange and utterly hilarious attributes it supposedly has...
A shmoo is shaped like a plump bowling pin with legs. It has smooth skin, eyebrows and sparse whiskers - but no arms, nose or ears. Its feet are short and round but dexterous, as the shmoo's comic book adventures make clear. It has a rich gamut of facial expressions, and expresses love (often) by exuding hearts over its head.
Cartoonist Al Capp ascribed to the shmoo the following curious characteristics. His satirical intent should be evident: They reproduce asexually and are very prolific. They require no sustenance other than air. Naturally gentle, they require minimal care, and are ideal playmates for young children. Shmoos are delicious to eat, and are eager to be eaten. If a human looks at one hungrily, it will happily immolate itself, either by jumping into a frying pan, after which they taste like chicken, or into a broiling pan, after which they taste like steak. When roasted they taste like pork, and when baked they taste like catfish. (Raw, they taste like oysters on the half-shell.) They also produce eggs (neatly packaged), milk (bottled grade-A), and butter — no churning required. Their pelts make perfect bootleather or house timber, depending on how thick you slice it. They have no bones, so there's absolutely no waste. Their eyes make the best suspender buttons, and their whiskers make perfect toothpicks. In short, they are simply the perfect ideal of a subsistence agricultural herd animal. The frolicking of shmoon is so entertaining (such as their staged "shmoosical comedies") that people no longer feel the need to watch television or go to the movies. Some of the more tasty varieties of shmoo are more difficult to catch. Usually shmoo hunters, now a sport in some parts of the country, utilize a paper bag, flashlight and stick to capture their shmoos. At night the light stuns them, then they can be whacked in the head with the stick and put in the bag for frying up later on.
...Now, please. After reading this, tell me this is not something that would have shocked you and flipped your worldview upside down! especially at 3:30am after a long night of drinking.
We've all seen loose women dress like these two flesh flowers below. Some of those chicks were probably your girlfriends. But girls have plenty of opportunities year round to dress slutty. Like at your sisters confirmation or your Jewish cousin Herche'ls bris. But Halloween is really most fun for creative people so I have attached some pics saluting people with the imaginations to come up with those costumes that blow your mind when you see them walking down the street each year. I feel bad foor anyone who happens to run into that awesome Rafiki (below) costume or Reptile-man (right) while under the influence of halucenogenic drugs. Yikes! The last picture in this post may look out of place, but look closely at the little girls' Tshirt. My buddy sent this one to me. He works in Indonesia and informed me that this little girls parents don't speak or read a lick of English. They just found a black shirt and put it on their daughter and Voila, Baby Rapist Bumblebee! Happy Halloween fockers!
