Iowa Sharpie Bandits: My New Halloween Costume

"CARROLL, Iowa — Police had no trouble identifying two men accused of trying to break into a Carroll apartment. Police were responding to a call about an attempted burglary when they pulled over a car matching the alleged suspects' vehicle. Inside the car, officers found two men with their faces blackened with permanent marker. Police said the caller described two men with painted faces attempting to break into an apartment Friday night before driving off."
-Assoc. Press

Look at these redneck bastards. Odds are they were out driving pick up trucks and drinkin Natty Light when one of them decided this disguise would be sufficient to mask their identities from their victim and the authorities. I wonder what their putting in the corn in Iowa? The guy in the top picture looks like he was goin for the Paul Stanley(KISS) look. The most shocking thing about these two inbred fucks is that they didn't have the brain capacity to realize that it was one fucking week before Halloween. They could have drove to their local Walmart and picked up a mask or some facepaint for an affordable global-corporation price. This kind of stupidy is all too common in rural redneck America. Just look at our friend Kasey Kazee (bottom). This Ashland, Kentucky native tried to rob a liquor store using duct tape to disguise his face. The funny part of this story is that the store clerk managed to beat the shit out of this shiney mummy fuck before he could get away.

I think I found my new Halloween costume.Im gonna wax my whole body and go as a duct tape mummy. Awesome!